hi griffin
well the good news is if they have never worked then theres a good chance theres no hardware related problems with them ....which narrows the cause down to drivers
most of the time usb ports are controlled by the southbridge and allthough windows installs drivers for usb by default there are situations were you need to install usb drivers ... for example usb3.0 drives ( which are not installed by windows ) and when using legacy versions of windows ( eg 98,me )
go to http://www.dell.com/support/drivers/uk/en/ukdhs1/Product/alienware-m17x ... make sure you have downloaded the relevant drivers ... the chipset driver is the driver that normally installs southbridge related drivers ...
however since alienware pc,s and laptops come with windows preinstalled with all drivers and software loaded theres only a slim chance they forgot to install all the drivers ... so im guessing this is a rare case of faulty usb ports.... ive had a similar issue with a old acer laptop ... one of the usb ports never worked from day one but the remaining three worked fine .... however the one that wouldnt work would give me a small electric shock if i touched it .... i considered either sending it for repair or doing it myself however since the other three worked ok i considered it not worth it
if your electrically minded i have found a guide to building your own "usb tester" which can check the functionality of your usb ports ( http://www.instructables.com/id/USB-tester/ ) .. or theres a "USB Port Voltage and Current Tester"( http://www.ecrater.co.uk/p/16019701/usb-port-voltage-and-current-tester?gps=1 ) which will check to see if any current is going through the usb ports in question ... without any current/voltage you dont have a usb port ...
personally i would use the "USB Port Voltage and Current Tester" .. for under a tenner you can finally discover if your usb port(s) are damaged ...
i hope this has helped ... any questions let me know
good luck mate and happy xmas !